Dear God make the pain go away...

That is what I was saying yesterday. For whatever reason as the day wore on it was almost impossible to move. By the time the TTs went to bed I had to take a painkiller - it was that bad. Of course as soon as that kicked in I felt like I could run a 4 minute mile. I don't know what is wrong with me but I wish that it would just go away. Whatever is causing me all this pain everyday ... and making me so damn tired .... and irritable ..... it just needs to go back where it came from. My kids are suffering ... my house is suffering ... everything that I am involved with is suffering ... including me.

Some people have suggested Fibromyalgia ... others have told me it's go to be Lupus ... both of which there is no test to determine if that is in fact what you have. Some people don't even believe that they are real diseases ... honestly I can't say for sure that I believe that they are real. Coming from a medical background generally I say if there isn't a test for it ... then it doesn't exist ... how could it? But then I feel the way I do ... and there's no explanation. Tests that they do ... come back inconclusive. I don't know what to think.

I just pray ... that the pain doesn't come back. I don't like feeling like I can't move ... that I can't play with my kids ... that I can't even get up to answer the phone.

I just pray ...............