Monday, August 29, 2005

Blah Blah Blah

This what I heard during the VMAs last night on MTv.

Welcome to Diddyville - would have been a much more appropriate name.

Can a man be anymore involved with himself and still be sane? I think he's riding a fine line.

Now onto the fashion...or should I say lack of??

Eva Longoria and Jessica Simpson looked like their stylists were at a loss until the last minute and handed them table linens.

All Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) needed was a bunch of b-a-n-a-n-a-s on her head and Chiquita Banana would have been all over her for an ad contract with that hot little yellow number she was sporting.

Rocco DiSpirito (The Restaraunt) was looking fine in his laundry day best.

What is up with Ricky Martin? He used to be one hot latin...now he looks more like a tepid posterchild for gay fashion don'ts. I've always wondered but now I think my fears have become reality and he has crossed over to the gay side.

The show itself was a boring loss...the only saving grace was Shakira's outstanding performance.

Other than that it was a waste of 3 hours that I want to have back.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Another day in paradise....pass the vodka

So this week has been a week of new things.

First week of school for TT#1.

First week with brother at school for TT#2.

First week of Mommy and Me.

First week of my nervous breakdown.

I'm sure you can see I've been busy.


So that brings us to today. Today is a "party" day. For those of us in the south who are in a large group of SAHMs - you know what I am talking about. For the rest of you a party day is the day that everyone schedules their home parties with whatever consultant and the whole group convenes on your house with their children. The children go into the playroom and the moms are sequestered into the family room/kitchen and socialize and maybe buy something.

Today's party was Pampered Chef. I love PC parties cause the food is always good and the consultant is my friend. So we pack up and head over to the hostess's house for the party to start at 9:30. All goes well... we eat ... we laugh ... we eat some more.

Right up until about 11:30. That is when the pee hits the fan - or in my case the slide. TT#1 who has been swearing to me all morning that not only does he not have to go potty but that I am bothering him, decides that rather than stop playing he will just go right there. While in the playroom going down the slide he pees. Thank goodness I am standing right in the doorway so I see it happen and can get it cleaned up and get him out of there right away.

That is when the fun begins.

My 3 year old boy now has the lung capacity and strength of a grown man. I am trying to "direct" him to the car while holding my 1 year old in my arms and trying not to drop him. As I am dragging him by the arm to the car he is screaming at me to let go and then he tries to bite me. He is kicking, and hitting, and swearing that I want to hurt him -

which of course I do but I show great restraint.

Then when we get to the car he decides that he's going to make a break for it. Running as fast as his little legs can carry him he runs back down the block to the front of the house and sits on the front steps. Of course when I finally catch up with him - baby still on hip and now very uncomfortable - I look up at the door just in time to see the hostess standing there with the most sympathetic face. I smile...grab the heathen's arm...and drag him back to car.

Finally after a great fight I get both boys strapped in and I am ready to leave them in the car and walk home.

I take a deep breath


get in the car


and drive home.

I then get home and toss TT#1 into his room and change his clothes all the while listening to him tell me how much he doesn't like me and I'm mean and bad to him. I then shut his door - and lock it.

Thankfully he has now screamed himself to sleep on the floor in his room. He looks so peaceful - but I know the truth. After this morning's exhibit I am sure that the church will grant permission to perform an exorcism - cause my child was obviously possessed.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Well it's been a while....

Since I've posted...but we've been getting ready for school here. Open houses and shopping. Oh sweet joy of life!!

TT#1 is starting pre-school tomorrow. He is so excited he's about to pop. He has new big boy undies and new sneakers and thinks that he is the big doo-doo. Every morning he has woken up asking if it was Tuesday yet. Sorry little man...still one more day to go. I hope I remember my camera......

Thursday, August 11, 2005

SAHMs

A topic was posted on 2Peas regarding the time of a stay at home mom.....how a SAHM's time is not at the "same value" as other people's time. This strikes a ring of truth I must say.

I have noticed an influx of times where things are handed off to me to do simply because I am home with the kids so of course I must have the time to do them. Why do people assume that because you stay home with your children you have the time to do anything else? What are they smoking??? They obviously have never stayed home with their children.

My favorite was when I wanted to go to a scrapbooking retreat earlier this summer. Conversation went like this:

Me: "It's only for 2.5 days and it's only $100 and everything is included."

Him: "But I'd have the kids for 2.5 days without you"

Me: " That's kinda the point"

Him: "But they aren't good for me"

Me: "They aren't good for anyone so why should you be different?"

needless to say I did not attend said retreat.

This is a constant thing in my house ... people think that you have all the time in the world and nothing to fill it with. Let me tell you the two terrors fill that time pretty quickly ... most days I don't even get to sit down and eat anything until BD comes home.

I hate being late for appointments that I have told BD that I have and he needs to be home at a certain time ... then he shows up late ...

I hate having to take the kids to the store during the day ... or waiting until after they go to bed so I can go by mysel f.....

I hate having to explain why I can't do something for someone rather than just being allowed a straight veto ... for whatever reason ....

But I love my kids .... and I wouldn't trade them for anything ...


But I am willing to rent them out ....

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Into the Wayback Machine.........

Close your eyes...

And go back...


Before the Internet or the MAC

Before semi automatics and crack

Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...

Way back...

Hide and go seek at dusk.

Red light, Green light.

Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Mother May I?

Red Rover

Hula Hoops

Running through the sprinkler

Happy Meals

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons She-ra, Road Runner, Smurfs, Fraggle Rock, He-Man, Gem, The Muppets

Underoos

Playing Dukes of Hazard

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar

Christmas morning

Your first day of school

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses

Climbing trees

Getting an Ice Cream off the Ice Cream Truck

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers

Jumpin' down the steps

Jumpin' on the bed

Pillow fights

Runnin' till you were out of breath and your lungs were on fire

Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt

Being tired from playin'

Your first crush.

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" in the classroom

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer

Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school

Class Field Trips

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate
that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

We were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by
shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger
threat!

Some of us are still afraid of em!

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better after a good spray of Bactine

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.


Oh to stay in the past ...... but unfortunately we can't .... but it's nice to visit in the wayback machine some days .....

That's it...I'm changing my name

and when you guess what it is I'll answer you....now get in your room and stop screaming!!

This is what transpired at my house this morning .... Nothing like being reduced to tears by a pre-schooler .... I want to know where my copy of the parenting handbook went to so I would know exactly what to do in these situations.

Have you ever just had one of those days .... and another ..... and another .... and suddenly you realized that all of your days are those days?? Welcome to my world.

I have so many questions as a parent that no one can definitively answer for me - people generally just look at me with that "Bless your heart" look when I ask them ... so I'll pose them here...

Am I a bad mother for wanting school to be year round - and 12 hours a day?

Is it wrong to use duct or postal tape to secure your child's diaper when they insist that today is "naked Wednesday"?

Why isn't chocolate cake a healthy breakfast? It contains more of the food groups than cheerios doesn't it?

I'll stop with the questions...I'll have to keep looking for that lost handbook....it's got to be around here somewhere......under all these toys......

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

PSA Of the Week...................

Do people even realize that there is such a thing as oversharing? I am all for people posting on message boards about how their day is going...But the last thing anyone needs to hear about is your menstrual dysfunction or the color of your child's poop this morning. Come on people...Get some common sense....

I admit (and have been told by Big Daddy) that I am a voyeur. I watch reality television - even those really stupid ones on Mtv. I am nosey as hell and will be the first one to tell you. But some people just share too much. If I am cruising a message board the last thing I want to read about is your yeast infection or athelete's foot. I don't need a play by play on your child's latest poop and puke fest. Really, these are things best kept for your family and your preacher. Better yet - holiday meals. That is where those stories belong...tormenting your family while they are held captive at your house for a meal at Christmas. Then you can pull out those little gems. Otherwise - STOP IT PLEASE!!

Monday, August 08, 2005

We survived the flood.....

No one told me that camping this weekend would mean almost getting hit by lightning or worrying about my trailer floating away in the deluge. What a weekend....

We arrived Thursday afternoon and the day was pretty uneventful actually - the silence before the storm evidentally. On Friday we had a great time going on walks and junior spent the day collecting rocks. I don't understand that about my boy...he hates dirt...but doesn't mind picking up handfuls of gravel and pouring them over his own head??? A day in his brain....that's where I want to go on my next vacation...cause it sure seems like a great place to visit! We all went out for dinner at the local Bob Gibson's BBQ on friday night. Imagine if you will a group of 30 people - 26 retirees, 2 30-somethings, and the tiny terrors. You could almost see the fear in the waitresses face as we were seated. Surprisingly enough other than a pre-dinner potty accident we were event free for the entire meal. Though after returning to the campground and saying goodnight to everyone we realized our night was just beginning.

We got the terrors bathed and clothed for bed. We put on a dvd of "The Music Man" and they drifted off to sleep. The rain started around 11pm. Nothing too bad, just a few large drops hitting the roof. I drifted off around 11:30 or 12 only to be awoken at 1:30am by the sound of thunder booming and lightning racing across the sky. For the next hour and a half I was glued to the windows trying to see if anything was getting hit nearby. There was one VERY loud bang-snap that caused the terror #2 to wake up and keep me company for a while. We found out the next morning that a trailer over on the next loop (about 300 yards away) got hit pretty bad and that was the loud bang we heard. It blew out his hot water heater and refridgerator. He had to have his unit hauled to the shop on Saturday morning. We only had some minor awning damage due to the high winds, but other than that we were lucky. You could tell that the water was streaming past our trailer from the debris line left on my carpet. Nothing like a saturday morning clean up to get the juices flowing!!

The rest of the weekend was pretty tame compared to that storm, though we were all glued to the weather radio to make sure the other storms headed our way weren't going to be as bad. We got lucky. They were saying on the weather radio that we could expect 2-4 inches of rain in 2 hours ... we only got half that on Saturday night. When we pulled out on Sunday it was just starting to rain, so we missed that storm also.

I'm beginning to think that I should take a job in weather forecasting. When we were checking the weather on the local stations before we left they were saying sun all weekend. That has to be the only job where you can be wrong most of the time and NOT get fired. Sounds like the job to have ... just say whatever you want and then blame it on the jet stream ... or a fast developing front... people will still watch you ...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

My version of the outdoors

Well...we are leaving today to go on a family camping trip. Now before you get ideas of my children running naked through the woods chasing deer....let me tell you our version of camping. I have a 30 foot long hotel room on wheels. I have a bathroom with a porceline toilet and shower...running hot and cold water...a refridgerator...and air conditioning. My children have a television and DVD player. I consider myself a "convenience camper". Enjoy nature...but not enough to shit in the woods.

We belong to a camping club. We are only one of 3 couples that aren't retired. Not that it's a bad thing cause the kids get spoiled for one weekend a month by about 20 grandparents that we don't have to feed on holidays. The boys love it cause one couple has a set of 7 year old triplets who just love to play with my boys. Junior lovingly calls them "his girls" rather than by name...probably for the same reason I just call them "the girls"...I can't tell them apart.

So in a few hours we will depart to head down the highway to the Point. Nice campground...good sites...low cost...should be a great weekend. As long as my boys don't start chasing the deer........

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde
You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog.
You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head.
Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent.
You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.


Thanks to Kymmi for this little bit of insight....how true it is how true it is...

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Out to lunch.....

You would think that being a stay at home momma I get the luxury of eating out with my stay at home girlfriends whenever I want....oh on the contrary my friends...it is not so easy. With terror #1 & terror #2 running loose this morning I remembered I had set a date with my friend and her two mild mannered children. We will meet at 11am at the Tony's Little Italy in the village for lunch. What the hell was I thinking????????????????

Well I turned it into high gear and jumped out of my pjs and into some suitable "outdoor attire" meaning they are clean, they fit, and there are no children's hand or face stains on them from prior public outings. Then I turn my attention to the terrors. They will need much more attention than I to get presentable.

Junior is potty training so in the morning we go from "nightime pants" meaning pull-ups...to "underwear" which are ....well underwear. Today though this transition was not so easy - go figure. I had made the mistake of telling him we were going out to meet our friends for lunch. That is when all hell broke loose at my house. Imagine if you will those shows on the National Geographic where they show the african natives running around holding spears while naked and chanting something in their own tribal language - welcome to my house. Junior proceeds to undress not only himself but his little brother under the guise of "just helping mommy, just helping". As cute as it is to hear - that is help I could do without. So now I have two naked, chanting, toy weilding children running amok in my house. The smaller one is easier to tackle so he is my first target.

The whole dressing of the smaller child goes without incident, though his brother is still naked and running through the house after the cat. Leaving the baby in his crib so I can have both hands free to grab junior I embark on what my husband simply calls - getting ready. First he has to pick his own clothes. Hollywood stylists have nothing on this child. He goes through his closet as though he is getting ready for the red carpet. After settling on a clean pair (thank goodness) of camo shorts and a t-shirt we are off to shoe selection. A quick lap around the house and we are able to get the shoes on his feet, then it is time to go potty (of course he has to strip for this). After the "doing" is done we re-dress and are finally able to go get into the car.

3 Blocks from the house I hear the screaming in the back seat. I adjust the mirror so that I can see without turning around. Massive hemoraging from the nasal passages. The mere sight of blood has cause sheer terror in the back seat. As I look for somewhere to pull in I am shoving wipes into his hands and trying to tell him to hold them up to his nose. He isn't having any of it. I pull over, throw on the hazards, jump out of the car and run to his door. We spend the next 5 minutes arguing over whether or not me holding the wipe up to his nose is making it worse. I finally get him calmed down and stop the bleeding. He then tells me he "scratched" the inside of his nose cause it itched. I told him you don't put anything up your nose but your elbows. He spends the rest of the car ride attempting to do just that.

We get to lunch and our friends already have a table upstairs waiting for us. Lunch was pretty uneventful except for a few moments where I realized that my children were being good for once while in public. My friends son on the other hand must have been taking notes from all the times we've been out together. He ended up in time out for a while and had to sit there while the rest of us ate our food. We did end up chasing one table away though. I think it was because the waiter took too long getting us our cards back from paying...gave the kids a few extra minutes that they weren't eating and they decided to see who could screech the loudest.

I remember days when lunches would be offered on the fly....a last minute phone call to see if you wanted to meet somewhere. Now they are a full force appointment complete with diaper bag supply checks and diversion tactics to kee your children from acting up while you're out.

When does school start again...oh that's right another 3 weeks.



Oh and in case you were wondering.....my little guy won the screech contest....oh how proud I am...........

Monday, August 01, 2005


I am a mom...and a wife...and a daughter...and a scrapbooker.

I would even say I am a fairly accomplished scrapbooker for the amount of time I actually dedicate to it. Having two toddlers kind of precludes me from having countless hours to dedicate to the craft. And I have been in a funk for the past two months.

I have been published and I am on several design teams - but for the past couple of months I have had no creative ideas of note. I think this is in large part becuase I allowed the expectation to exceed the importance. By that I mean that I was scrapping for the call and not myself. I was scrapping to fit the needs of every magazine and idea book that had a call out there - creating pages for a call rather than finding calls for the pages I created.

Where were my ideas...my feelings...my subjects - they were lost. Why on God's green earth was I scrapping about snow and winter nights when I lived in Alabama where it didn't get enough to make a snow marble let alone a snow man? My kids haven't seen a snow fall except for Junior during the one trip to Philadelphia when we got caught in a blizzard the day before we left to come home - but he doesn't remember it anyway.

Then it hit me..I was scrapping for the wrong reasons. So I pulled out my photos of my boys and looked through them. ALL of them...and I have a ton of them. I decided to not look and see what calls where coming up...and just pick some photos that really spoke to me. And this is what I came up with. Not bad...not my best...but certainly feeling my way out of this funk that has been suffocating me for months now.

Who knows...maybe I'll even create something worth submitting - but only if the call fits the page......

books books books....

I am an avid sometimes rabid reader...I cannot put a good book down until I either fall asleep reading it or I am finished. I bought some rather wonderful books over the weekend at the local B&N. Now I am not much of a reviewer..but I'll give it a shot...

The first is "Creative Correction" by Lisa Whelchel. Yes she is the chick from the "Facts of Life" show in the 80's. She is also a wonderful author. This is the second book of hers that I have purchased and it has some great ideas in it. Junior is a bit obstinant...okay he is TOTALLY obstinant...so normal corrections don't seem to have any impact on him. In the past 3 days I have found this book invaluable.

We are in the throes of potty training and every mother who has done this knows how difficult it is. Well we are now accident free for the third day in a row. This accomplishment has lead the way to other difficulties though. He is finding other ways to get attention since we don't have "potty time" together anymore. It seems he cannot sit at a table and eat correctly for more than 5 minutes. So taking a suggestion from the book that the author used to correct her daughter from leaning back in a chair, we now make him stand at the table and eat if he cannot sit with us without getting up and running around. If he chooses to leave the table his plate gets taken away. I was amazed that he would catch on so quickly. It only took this happening at one meal over the weekend before he realized mommy was not joking and wouldn't tolerate it anymore. So...thanks Lisa Whelchel!!!!

The second book I got was "A Woman's Call to Prayer" by Elisabeth George. I also bought the companion workbook. This is a great book for those of us who are "prayer challenged" as I say it. You know you need to do it...you know how to do it...but how do you make it meaningful?? Usually I pray when I need something or want intercession on something. This book is making me realize that my entire committment to God needs to be reassessed and reconfigured. God is there to share in our joys as well as our times of need...I tend to forget that. Like a parent he wants to help us and support us...but he wants to be a constant part of our lives...not just in times of trouble and need.

The final book that I bought this weekend was "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. You may think this is about Martha Stewart...but it goes back much further. It centers around the story of when Jesus visited two sisters - Mary and Martha. Martha worried about how the house was and how the food was and how the drink was...while Mary only sat with Jesus and listened to him. This is how we go through our days. We worry about our houses and our deeds and all the little things - all the little things that have no bearing on our salvation. We must worry about Him and what He has told us...and continues to tell us today. I can honestly tell you that if I died tomorrow I doubt that St. Peter at the gates is going to deny me due to unfinished laundry.