Out to lunch.....
You would think that being a stay at home momma I get the luxury of eating out with my stay at home girlfriends whenever I want....oh on the contrary my friends...it is not so easy. With terror #1 & terror #2 running loose this morning I remembered I had set a date with my friend and her two mild mannered children. We will meet at 11am at the Tony's Little Italy in the village for lunch. What the hell was I thinking????????????????
Well I turned it into high gear and jumped out of my pjs and into some suitable "outdoor attire" meaning they are clean, they fit, and there are no children's hand or face stains on them from prior public outings. Then I turn my attention to the terrors. They will need much more attention than I to get presentable.
Junior is potty training so in the morning we go from "nightime pants" meaning pull-ups...to "underwear" which are ....well underwear. Today though this transition was not so easy - go figure. I had made the mistake of telling him we were going out to meet our friends for lunch. That is when all hell broke loose at my house. Imagine if you will those shows on the National Geographic where they show the african natives running around holding spears while naked and chanting something in their own tribal language - welcome to my house. Junior proceeds to undress not only himself but his little brother under the guise of "just helping mommy, just helping". As cute as it is to hear - that is help I could do without. So now I have two naked, chanting, toy weilding children running amok in my house. The smaller one is easier to tackle so he is my first target.
The whole dressing of the smaller child goes without incident, though his brother is still naked and running through the house after the cat. Leaving the baby in his crib so I can have both hands free to grab junior I embark on what my husband simply calls - getting ready. First he has to pick his own clothes. Hollywood stylists have nothing on this child. He goes through his closet as though he is getting ready for the red carpet. After settling on a clean pair (thank goodness) of camo shorts and a t-shirt we are off to shoe selection. A quick lap around the house and we are able to get the shoes on his feet, then it is time to go potty (of course he has to strip for this). After the "doing" is done we re-dress and are finally able to go get into the car.
3 Blocks from the house I hear the screaming in the back seat. I adjust the mirror so that I can see without turning around. Massive hemoraging from the nasal passages. The mere sight of blood has cause sheer terror in the back seat. As I look for somewhere to pull in I am shoving wipes into his hands and trying to tell him to hold them up to his nose. He isn't having any of it. I pull over, throw on the hazards, jump out of the car and run to his door. We spend the next 5 minutes arguing over whether or not me holding the wipe up to his nose is making it worse. I finally get him calmed down and stop the bleeding. He then tells me he "scratched" the inside of his nose cause it itched. I told him you don't put anything up your nose but your elbows. He spends the rest of the car ride attempting to do just that.
We get to lunch and our friends already have a table upstairs waiting for us. Lunch was pretty uneventful except for a few moments where I realized that my children were being good for once while in public. My friends son on the other hand must have been taking notes from all the times we've been out together. He ended up in time out for a while and had to sit there while the rest of us ate our food. We did end up chasing one table away though. I think it was because the waiter took too long getting us our cards back from paying...gave the kids a few extra minutes that they weren't eating and they decided to see who could screech the loudest.
I remember days when lunches would be offered on the fly....a last minute phone call to see if you wanted to meet somewhere. Now they are a full force appointment complete with diaper bag supply checks and diversion tactics to kee your children from acting up while you're out.
When does school start again...oh that's right another 3 weeks.
Oh and in case you were wondering.....my little guy won the screech contest....oh how proud I am...........
Well I turned it into high gear and jumped out of my pjs and into some suitable "outdoor attire" meaning they are clean, they fit, and there are no children's hand or face stains on them from prior public outings. Then I turn my attention to the terrors. They will need much more attention than I to get presentable.
Junior is potty training so in the morning we go from "nightime pants" meaning pull-ups...to "underwear" which are ....well underwear. Today though this transition was not so easy - go figure. I had made the mistake of telling him we were going out to meet our friends for lunch. That is when all hell broke loose at my house. Imagine if you will those shows on the National Geographic where they show the african natives running around holding spears while naked and chanting something in their own tribal language - welcome to my house. Junior proceeds to undress not only himself but his little brother under the guise of "just helping mommy, just helping". As cute as it is to hear - that is help I could do without. So now I have two naked, chanting, toy weilding children running amok in my house. The smaller one is easier to tackle so he is my first target.
The whole dressing of the smaller child goes without incident, though his brother is still naked and running through the house after the cat. Leaving the baby in his crib so I can have both hands free to grab junior I embark on what my husband simply calls - getting ready. First he has to pick his own clothes. Hollywood stylists have nothing on this child. He goes through his closet as though he is getting ready for the red carpet. After settling on a clean pair (thank goodness) of camo shorts and a t-shirt we are off to shoe selection. A quick lap around the house and we are able to get the shoes on his feet, then it is time to go potty (of course he has to strip for this). After the "doing" is done we re-dress and are finally able to go get into the car.
3 Blocks from the house I hear the screaming in the back seat. I adjust the mirror so that I can see without turning around. Massive hemoraging from the nasal passages. The mere sight of blood has cause sheer terror in the back seat. As I look for somewhere to pull in I am shoving wipes into his hands and trying to tell him to hold them up to his nose. He isn't having any of it. I pull over, throw on the hazards, jump out of the car and run to his door. We spend the next 5 minutes arguing over whether or not me holding the wipe up to his nose is making it worse. I finally get him calmed down and stop the bleeding. He then tells me he "scratched" the inside of his nose cause it itched. I told him you don't put anything up your nose but your elbows. He spends the rest of the car ride attempting to do just that.
We get to lunch and our friends already have a table upstairs waiting for us. Lunch was pretty uneventful except for a few moments where I realized that my children were being good for once while in public. My friends son on the other hand must have been taking notes from all the times we've been out together. He ended up in time out for a while and had to sit there while the rest of us ate our food. We did end up chasing one table away though. I think it was because the waiter took too long getting us our cards back from paying...gave the kids a few extra minutes that they weren't eating and they decided to see who could screech the loudest.
I remember days when lunches would be offered on the fly....a last minute phone call to see if you wanted to meet somewhere. Now they are a full force appointment complete with diaper bag supply checks and diversion tactics to kee your children from acting up while you're out.
When does school start again...oh that's right another 3 weeks.
Oh and in case you were wondering.....my little guy won the screech contest....oh how proud I am...........
2 comments:
oh my goodness.....what a day LOL. I can so totally relate - I have a 2 yo and a 4 yo.
LOL, ah yes this brings back memories of the 'good ol' days'. My kids are now 17, 13 and 12. How did they get so old? I LOL'ed through your whole post. The naked, spear weilding, tribal language word picture is still cracking me up. You know this time will pass by quickly, don't you? You've heard it a million times, right? I know it's hard to believe while you are in the trenches but still so true.
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